If you have lived for any amount of time, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that life can be hard. Can I be honest? Sometimes it absolutely sucks. Life can thrust us into some hellish circumstances. Sometimes it’s the betrayal of a friend, the ending of a relationship, discord between you and your parents (or you and your children). It can be tension in your marriage, financial pressures, serious challenges in your health; the list goes on. In these times it’s very easy to become overwhelmed, dismayed, and STRESSED.

2018 was like that for me. I went through many of the things listed above just in that year alone. During that season I became the most stressed I have ever been. I began to not recognize my own mind. I felt like I was constantly walking under a heavy cloud of darkness and pressure. In hindsight, I was probably depressed, but I never stopped to really analyze how I was feeling. 2019 rolled around and much of the after effects of what happened in 2018 followed me into the new year, along with some new challenges.

The amazing thing is that my response this year has been completely different than it was last year. I’ve found myself feeling much more hopeful, confident, and joyful. The weight that followed me around last year has completely lifted.

So what has made the difference for me?

Peace.

Over the years I have learned the importance of peace and the art of maintaining it in the midst of crazy circumstances. I’ve realized that it IS possible to not look or feel like what you’re going through.

In  John 16:33, Jesus tells His disciples “… In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” He addresses them about this also in John 14:27, saying, “I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”

I know you may be reading that and thinking, “Really, Jasmine? With everything I’m going through you expect me to believe I can actually have peace in all this mess? If only you knew what I’m dealing with!”

I get it. There are things that can happen in our lives that rock us to our core, frustrate us to no end, and bring us to our knees.

And I believe you can still have peace through all of it.

Beloved, you have more control than you think. Did you catch what Jesus said in John 14:27? He says “Do not let your heart be troubled.” You have the power to either allow your circumstances to steal your peace or to maintain your peace through it all. But we can’t do it in our own strength.

Jesus tells us in John 16:33 that we can be encouraged because HE has overcome the troubles of the world. My goal in writing this today is to point you to some practical AND spiritual things you can do to help you maintain and protect your peace. Now, this is not an exhaustive list, but I do believe that implementing these 3 keys will have a huge effect on how you manage and minimize your stressors.

Key # 1: Log off.

This is a big one. This is actually one of the most important ones. What you look at has so much power over how you feel and process the things that happen around you. Social media – the internet in general – is a wonderful tool for information and connecting with others. Unfortunately, it can also be detrimental to your peace of mind.

When I scroll through my feed, I see many happy moments but I also see so much bad news, racism, sexism, strife, contention, offense, complaining, obscenity etc. It can be so draining on your soul to be constantly tuned into all of the noise that exists on the internet.

On the other side, you may be seeing too much of other people’s happy moments and comparing them to your own life. Social media is such a smokescreen – most people only post their highlight reel. You’re watching Linda go on her 3rd vacation this year while you’re facing an eviction and you begin to compare and feel bad.

You will become like whatever you constantly behold. Are the things you’re looking at throughout the day full of peace, joy, hope and success? If not, I would strongly suggest you fix your focus. If you find yourself feeling drained, depressed, or upset after having been on your phone or computer for an extended amount of time, that is a sign that it’s time to log off.

Key # 2: Draw a line in the sand.

We’re talking about boundaries here. I am specifically talking about boundaries in relationships.

Who are you allowing into your inner circle? Who has access to your time and attention? When you have people in your life who always bring problems, drama and dysfunction you end up being weighed down by the chaos that comes with them. You have to decide who you will allow to speak into your life and have access to your time.

I am a firm believer in loving draining, toxic people from a distance. Not everyone deserves a front row seat to your life; some folks need to be put way up in the balcony (or completely outside the building!). This doesn’t mean that you stop loving them. It simply means you prioritize your peace over their comfort in having access to you.

To be fair, not everyone has to be completely cut off. Sometimes all you need is to have a conversation. I’ll give you an example. The relationship I have with one of my parents has been very toxic in the past. I was verbally abused and cussed out regularly from an early age. When  I got older and moved away, the tongue lashings did not stop. On one particular day we were on the phone and they were going off like they usually did and I just made a decision that I wasn’t going to take it anymore.

While they were in the middle of cussing me out I calmly said, “Hey, I understand you’re upset, but if we’re going to have this conversation you can’t be cussing at me like this.” They responded with more expletives and basically told me, “I can talk however I want!” To which I replied, “You’re right. You CAN talk however you want; but you CAN’T do it to ME and expect to continue this conversation.” Undeterred, they went right back to cussing and yelling to which I simply said, “OK, well, I’m going to hang up now. I love you.” And I hung up in the middle of the tirade. I wasn’t tying to be disrespectful. I was showing them where my boundary was.

I would love to say that my parent immediately caught on and stopped being verbally abusive but they did not. The difference is now they know that I won’t stick around for the conversation if it goes left. I have saved myself so much drama by refusing to argue with someone who does not respect me or my principles.

Who is it that you need to love from a distance (or let go of completely)? Is it that coworker who is always bringing you gossip and drama? Is it that boyfriend who always puts you down? Is it the parent who, even though you’re an adult now –  uses their position in your life to attempt to manipulate and control you? Whoever it is, find out how you need to go about reclaiming your time and attention then be unapologetic as you do so.

Key 3: Fix your focus.

Whatever you focus on will become magnified. When we’re constantly focused on the things that bother us, we magnify the problem and the stress that comes with it. Think about it: how do you feel after you’ve found yourself mulling over the same issue repeatedly? Refreshed? Hopeful? My guess is you feel the complete opposite: drained, defeated, discouraged and frustrated. I submit to you that obsessively focusing on what’s wrong will never help you make it right. We need to look outside of our problems and even outside of ourselves, because we alone are not enough to face the chaos that hijacks our peace. Jesus Christ alone is enough.

The Bible states in Isaiah 26:3, “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You!”

God is so much bigger than the situations that rock our worlds. He has a solution for every problem we are faced with and He is committed to helping us through them. He is not an impersonal, distant God who is indifferent to our sufferings. He wants us to come to Him when we are overwhelmed (and even when we aren’t!).

One of the easiest ways to fix our focus on Jesus is to pray. Philippians 4:6-7 puts it this way: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

Prayer is a powerful tool. Not only does God hear our prayers and act on them when we pray in faith but He also will release His peace to protect us when we bring our issues to Him.

Another effective way to fix our focus on Him is to spend time daily reading the Bible. Find Bible verses that relate to your situation and meditate on them. As you do, ask the Holy Spirit to show you what each verse means for you and your specific situation. As you read the Word of God, He will show you strategies to overcome the things (or people) that have been robbing you of your peace.

To sum it all up, protecting our peace is vitally important as we navigate the world we live in today. We are more connected than ever, but also more stressed than ever. We need effective ways to not only cope but to thrive. There are practical things we can do to maintain peace of mind but ultimately Jesus is the major key. Having a close, consistent relationship with Him is the most important thing we can do, not just for our peace but for every area of our lives. My prayer is that you use these keys to unlock more peace and joy in everything you go through.