It’s 8:45 p.m. and I’m in the car with my hubby and toddler coasting down I-75. We’re heading back home after a big weekend for us. Our little girl, Toni, spent her first weekend away from us. We dropped her off three days ago with my older sister, two hours away in Tampa, FL.

This was huge for us. It’s been two years, ten months, and six days since we brought our 7 lb 8 oz baby girl home and since that day she has never been anywhere overnight except home. Of course, in almost three years it would have been nice to have a break and I certainly have needed one these past few years. In fact, we’ve had no shortage of well-meaning close friends and family offer to keep her overnight for us – people we trust and love. However, something always made me hesitate and ultimately decide against it.

Fear.

The short answer is, I was scared. As badly as I wanted to loosen the reigns and let Toni spend the night somewhere other than home, I couldn’t shake all of the “what if’s”.

If you’re a mom, you know what I mean. “What if she gets hurt over there?” “What if she misses home too much and cries the whole time?” “What if she eats something she’s not supposed to?” (Toni has allergies) “What if someone comes over who isn’t trustworthy and hurts her in some way?” And so on and so forth.

The truth is, I wanted to be 100% sure that Toni would have the best, safest time away from home but I knew that complete certainty was impossible. There’s no way for anyone to be 100% sure of anything. There’s always a risk and that terrified me.

I didn’t just see this fear popping up in the area of sleepovers. Since the day I found out I was pregnant fear started hanging around. So many “what ifs”.

What if she’s born with mental or physical defects? What if I can’t breastfeed her? What if I send her to the wrong daycare? What if she becomes a victim of SIDS? What if she gets kidnapped while we’re at the park playing?” “Shoot, what if we BOTH get kidnapped while we’re out taking a walk? Listen y’all, if worrying and overthinking was an Olympic sport I would take home the gold medal.

I knew that this fear wasn’t healthy or even godly for that matter. In the Bible, 2 Timothy 1:7 says that “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” I learned years ago that fear does not come from God. In fact, Jesus rebuked His disciples for being fearful more than once in the Bible. We also see other verses that demonstrate just how much God detests fear (see Mark 4:40, Revelation 21:8). Fear paralyzes you. It keeps you stuck in one place because you’re too afraid to move forward.

I’m not here to suggest that having the emotion of fear is in and of itself sinful or wrong. We’re human and it’s natural to feel afraid. However, when we let fear dictate our actions and keep us from living healthy lives – or practicing healthy parenting in this case – we have to draw a line in the sand. As scared as I was to drop my baby off two hours away for three whole days, I knew I needed to. My husband and I both just started new jobs and had intensive training that meant neither of us could tend to her full time like I had been doing up until last week. My older sister was off work and at home full time with my nieces and nephews and had been asking for years for us to let her spend more time with Toni. I knew this was the best option for us and it was the perfect opportunity for me to put this fear under my feet.

To help me overcome this fear I did four things.  I want to share them with you in hopes that it will also empower you to put fear beneath you as well.

To prepare for Toni’s trip and to win my battle against fear I did the following:

1. I prayed.
2. I set things in order practically.
3. I meditated on God’s word.
4. I let go.

Tip 1: Pray

Overcoming fear is primarily a spiritual battle. Did you catch in 2 Timothy that God called fear a spirit? This isn’t a natural fight so don’t try to win it without asking God for help.

When I realized that Toni would need to spend some time away from home, I prayed and asked God to show me if it was even a good idea to send her in the first place. Once I received peace in my spirit that it was, I asked Him to protect and cover her while she was outside of our care. I knew that Toni’s best defense against anything bad happening was a loving, powerful God watching over her.

Outside of praying for Toni’s safety, I prayed for myself as well. I asked God to give me peace and courage to let her go for a few days. I didn’t want her to be having the time of her life with my sister while I sat at home 126 miles away stressed out the entire time.

If you’re worried about your children, your best defense is to place them in the watchful care of God via your prayers. The prayers of protection from a mother (or father) on behalf of their children are powerful and effective.

Tip 2: Set things in order practically.

Many of the fears I had could be eased just by doing practical things. I was worried about her allergies. That was solved by simply sending my sister a list of foods she could not eat. I was worried about a pool day they were having because Toni hasn’t had swim lessons yet but that was mitigated by me packing a swim float in her bag.

Your issue might not be a sleepover. For example, if you’re worried about what –  or who –  your children will encounter while on their smartphone or tablet, there are ways you can set parameters on their device that will block out certain sites and also give you access to see what sites they visit. Is it fool-proof? Of course not. We can’t plan for everything and guarantee our children will live risk-free, but we can set things in place that make them less likely to find themselves in harm’s way and ease our own anxiety in the process.

Tip 3: Meditate on God’s word.

In the fight to overcome fear, in addition to prayer, God’s word is our greatest defense. Since He cannot lie, we can trust and stand on what He’s put in His word. To overcome fear and anxiety when it comes to Toni I like to go into the word and find promises from God so that when anxious, fearful thoughts begin to consume me I can meditate on those promises and speak them out loud instead.

Two of my favorite scriptures to meditate on and confess are Psalm 91:10 which speaks of God protecting you and your family (household) even when there is danger all around and Isaiah 54:13 which declares that God will lead and teach your children and give them peace.

As moms, we have to remember that as much as we love and care for our babies, God loves them even more and they belonged to Him first. Even when they aren’t under our direct supervision, they never leave the watchful eye of the God who made them. Confess God’s promises over your children when you feel yourself giving way to fear.

Tip 4: Let it go.

This is the simplest key, but probably hardest to do.

We have to remember, that at the end of the day, nothing is truly in our control. We could do everything right and things could still go wrong. That is the hard reality of living life in a fallen world. This is why after you have done your due diligence, you should back away and let God handle the rest. The way you let go is simply by doing all three of the tips above and allowing yourself to be at peace with that.

For me letting go meant not calling my sister every few minutes to check on my little girl. It also meant not obsessing in my mind over what could possibly be going wrong. Once I dropped her off, that was it. No stressing. No entertaining the “what ifs” and no moping around the house all weekend.

I took full advantage of a child-free weekend. My husband and I went on two dates. We slept in. I had a photo shoot the day after we dropped her off (and I killed it if I must say so myself) and actually enjoyed myself! I Face-timed my sister once per day, but mostly waited and let her reach out to me. I put fear squarely under my feet and allowed both Toni and myself to enjoy our weekend.

Mama, I don’t know what you’re scared of, but I want to encourage you that whatever it is, it’s not outside the power and notice of our big, amazing, loving God. He sees your children and He loves them, even more intensely than you do. He didn’t give them to you for them to bring you anxiety and dread. He wants you to enjoy the gift of parenting but so often fear robs us of that enjoyment. If you find yourself constantly worrying, take the time today to give it to God in prayer and let go. Your children – and you – will be better for it.